The Cult of the Acid-spitting Llamas
What would be cooler than having your own personal cult? Well, of course having Darth Vader's suit would be ostensibly magnificent, but we can't have it all. Even though if I would have the same gargantuan sized corpse holding my beautiful brain over six feet over mother Gaia.
But what do you actually need to run your own cult? Well, you need followers and some hard-core disciples - apostles, you could call them. You also need some crazy principle. Too many concentrate on the destructive things, suicide, murder, aggression, religion, football and what have you - I would concentrate on the nice things of life, such as llamas. Especially the genetically engineered protection machines that would spit acid at will. Totally awesome. No one would expect that kind of defense. Then you also need a back story, which isn't an issue for a group of talented bs-generators such as us. We would weave tales of grandeur together with national epics, tie them up with messianic messages and stories of incredible miracles that only tell the tale of the impending doom - and then just sprinkle some llamas and acid here and there and create the most ultimate creation story that encompasses both intelligent theory AND evolution, while having so many conspiracies and soap opera style plot twists that even explain the massive redneck-like-family-values that increase our inbred world (ask yourself, who ELSE they would have sex with? eh? That's right. No one.)
Ok, now that we've pissed off every single christian reader of this blog, we can concentrate on funnier things. Sorry for the delay with the post, people have been very insistent in wanting to read more. One brilliant person was even checking whether I had updated when I was sitting right beside him and I had spent all of the time from his last check with him. Talk about habits, eh? I finally got myself back to the Bloc, and had a great weekend there, doing nothing at all and walking out singing Mos Def's Brooklyn with the authenticity of a redneck playing intelligent. Brought some 50 lb. of clothes and shoes with me, imagine packing that in one suitcase.
Second week starting in the office and it's fun so far. More comic updates this week as well.
Peace out.
But what do you actually need to run your own cult? Well, you need followers and some hard-core disciples - apostles, you could call them. You also need some crazy principle. Too many concentrate on the destructive things, suicide, murder, aggression, religion, football and what have you - I would concentrate on the nice things of life, such as llamas. Especially the genetically engineered protection machines that would spit acid at will. Totally awesome. No one would expect that kind of defense. Then you also need a back story, which isn't an issue for a group of talented bs-generators such as us. We would weave tales of grandeur together with national epics, tie them up with messianic messages and stories of incredible miracles that only tell the tale of the impending doom - and then just sprinkle some llamas and acid here and there and create the most ultimate creation story that encompasses both intelligent theory AND evolution, while having so many conspiracies and soap opera style plot twists that even explain the massive redneck-like-family-values that increase our inbred world (ask yourself, who ELSE they would have sex with? eh? That's right. No one.)
Ok, now that we've pissed off every single christian reader of this blog, we can concentrate on funnier things. Sorry for the delay with the post, people have been very insistent in wanting to read more. One brilliant person was even checking whether I had updated when I was sitting right beside him and I had spent all of the time from his last check with him. Talk about habits, eh? I finally got myself back to the Bloc, and had a great weekend there, doing nothing at all and walking out singing Mos Def's Brooklyn with the authenticity of a redneck playing intelligent. Brought some 50 lb. of clothes and shoes with me, imagine packing that in one suitcase.
Second week starting in the office and it's fun so far. More comic updates this week as well.
Peace out.
posted by Unknown at 9:21 am
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